Shoppping

Whats it like to shop all day and liturally 'drop?'
Is it where you shop all day and by the end your feet hurt so much you just need a hot choccie!
OR
Is it where you have shop all day until your money runs out...

So what is the point in shopping? Is it to get a 'thrill' out of looking 'beautiful' or feeling like you've somehow accomplished something?
In UK, US and other countries where spending is everything having more in better not less; but have you ever wondered where all those clothes go after you've worn them twise? Or where they actually came from? Third world countries where they have two pieces of clothing max.
This world needs to change; clothes are not everything; you can look beautiful in the most simplest outfit. If you think getting a man wearing the latest Parada, well your wrong men and women should love people for who they are not what they are. Your man or women should love even when u haven't shaven, or wearing make-up! Though I'm not saying you should look like a slob for your man or women but it shouldn't matter either way what you look like it is liturally the inside that count; if your inside glows it will glow all the way to the outside of you; therefore you should be comfortable with who you are...And knowing your true identity is probably the most attractive thing you can show.
My identity is in Jesus Christ and I personaly will let my light glow for him always :-)

Signing out
Suzieanna xxxx

Gary-Lee McKinney

Suzanna Holly Marlow is in love...with the most amazing man she has ever met.
His name you might wonderful? Gary-Lee McKinney; and man with great passion for Jesus.
He is the most incredible man I have ever met; and I am so blessed to be his Girlfriend.
Jesus has blessed me with such a great man; and I actually can not keep it to myself!
HES JUST SO INCREDIBLLY AMAZINGLY BREATHTAKINGLY WONDERFUL! Suzieanna Loves him a lot :-) I thank Jesus everyday :-)
There is no one else I will ever love :) My heart belongs to him; He has taken my heart, though I gladly gave it to him.

I just wanted you to know how amazing Gary-Lee McKinney
Sighning out Suzanna

11.11.09

Remember me when I walk through the mud and see all grey,
Remeber me when I see him lying there next to me,
Remember me when the bullet hits a target,
Remember me when I leave my family to go to war,
Remember me when my training is finished and afganistan I must go,
Remember me if I don't come back...

Remember my children when they don't understand,
Remember my wife when she's about to break,
Remember my parents when they have to bury their child,
Remeber my brother when He goes to war,
Remember my sister when she hears the news I've gone,

Remember, Remember the 11th of Novemeber, When war was meant to be the past; when they said never a world war again, where there would be peace...
Remember, remember the 11th of November; the poppy's remember the lost, I see no reason for your heart to be reasoned, that war should never be forgot...

Wear a poppy and remember the people fighting...Now

Thinking...

well this is a first time in a while, I haven't really known what to write, but I'd thought I'd tell you why I started this blog and where it's ended up!

The first ever post I put was about past 'relationship' and the person I liked at the tme...the paragraphs about the past relationship were fine; but the last paragraph was pathetic; I was immature and just wanted him to like me back; I told God that he was the right person for me...When obviously he wasn't because the man I am with now is so gracious, so kind, so amazing, so gorgeous...And fit my character perfectly. And I am so in love with me more than I ever realised I could which excites me to know an een deeper love to for him; and to hear Jesus deepened my heart for Him.
And the second post was about him to; My first two post were so I could express outwardly how I felt about a guy...or how they had hurt me! i couldn't keep it in; and as I'm not the best person in the world to tell people how I feel writing it down seemed the easiest thing :P

The next months blogs went from yay God, to I hate men, to I hate my imagine, to I am invisible... I know I was listening to God properly and was listening to my emotions...I have always struggled with feeling invisible in crows; and not appreciated. It has been an uphill struggled; it hasn't helped my self confidence though I know my confidence should always be in Jesus :-)

My posts the next months started to change; they weren't always about how I felt and all about ME! They were about love, and Jesus...which of course is a much better topic :-) I still have had rantful posts about leavig school etc; but I wanted to give my post a bit more meaning and I wanted them to glorify jesus :-) bit of a dramatic change huh!

Though I have done a post about a guy; But I think I'm allowed to because hes my Man GaryLee... I had to express when I liked him and wat happenedd and all my feelings from beginning to end :-) I can't hide it on how much I am falling IN LOVE even more each day; and the only reason I love him so much is Because Jesus loves us! :-)

And finally the last post was in september and was about memories I thought it was a nice blog and enjoyed writing it; it had meaning which is want I want from post now :-)

I'm gonna try and write more freguently though I doubt many people read this(except Charlotte)

Signing out
Suzie

Memory in pictures

Oh my how we all change....

Have you ever looked at the first picture of your 'profile picture' on facebook etc and then looked at your recent? And you can see how much you have changed so so much...You look in the eyes that maybe were once innocent or had less pain or les truth than you do in the most recent picture... The first picture you knew less, loved less, hurt less...What have you done to get to where you were to where you are now?

What have you leanrt through each year that passes...each day! You grow in knowledge daily..you knew thing you would never have dreamed of knowing. You've met people you would never dream of meeting. You loved more than you've ever loved before...

Their are so many new chapters in you're life you will go through...and they are so excited. It's nice to just take a step back sometimes and see how you're life has truely been mapped out and planned...how you would never be where you are if you hadn't gone through that or been there. :-) There is deffiantly an Author and Artist involved in all this :-) The great planner...

I am so so excited about the future! I wish at this moment in time that college would hurry...I am not enjoying it and am actually half dreading going in tomorrow =| But I am still excited about the plans Jesus has for me :-) Though I've just remembered Sam Marson at newday telling me that Jesus said to not be scared about Lewes...even though Silly Suzie is! Thankyou Jesus for reminding me :-)

I am so thankful that I am God's daughter; and am loved by him so so much :-D He refreshes my broken soul everyday; and I bow at his feet :-) I am in so much peace because the Prince of Peace forever holds me and looks after me! :-) Thankyou Thankyou Jesus! He is my first love..and I will go through the narrow path because that is the path of life. I will do this all because of the love and passion He has for me!

Thankyou to all the people who have entered my life and blessed me with all your loveliness :-)!!

Signing out Suzieanna Daughter of the King of Kings! :-D! x

God's Love & Gary-Lee McKinney

Hi everyone:

Hope you're all well :-).... I wanna tell you all a secret; JESUS IS RISEN.
Okay well its not a secret, and it deffiantly the most amazing thing ever happened in history.

God has been really speaking to me this week (ever since Sunday morning at church: 23rd.) about Children, the lost children...who seriously need rescuing by their Daddy.
I have had so much confirmation that I am going to be going to the nations and helping children; and its great to know that in my future I am going to help change lives :-D
I LOVE Children, and they are defiantly a God send and it is so beautiful to see Children worshipping God knowing how much they are loved by the King of Kings!
AHHH I am so excited about the future and am so excited about this new chapter of my life :-D Praise Jesus!!!!!!!

I commited sacrilege by reading some of 'Death by love' by Mark Driscoll without finishing my book 'The Rescuse'- by Nicholas Sparks...But the first page was just amazing and I am really loving it, and it is truely an amazing book! and recommend it to anyone!!

http://relit.org/deathbylove/
Truely amazing :-)

Second part of this blog: is about Gary-Lee McKinney :-)

• He is amazing :-). Hes gorgeous :-)
• The first time I met him; I thought he was attractive and kinda, at the beach I thought he was thoughtful, loving, caring to everything, godly...
• He was interested in who I was as a person & as a Christian, and was thoughtful as I was cold & he offereds his hoodie; even though we had known each other a few hours...and I hadn't implied to anyone I was cold.
• After the 13th July 2009; he could not get out of my head...I told a few people that I liked him, I quite sadly showed a picture of him to my friends at prom (17th July 2009.) I had told Cat Evans when I went to CCK I think...the Sunday before Newday (26th July 2009.)
• I really wanted to see him at Newday, and the first opportunity I had when Rosie wanted to find her church; and I got to see him...for like a few minutes though but it confirmed to me once again that I liked him.
• After the meeting I hung out with Jon, Rosie, Gary-Lee, & Lauren in Global cafe...and we chatted, & chatted. They came back to our campsite and we still jsut talked and I felt so comfortable just talking to him and 'being myself.' I went to bed deffiantly him on my mind as well as also feeling like I had been forgiven by God for the sins I have commited :-).
• The next morning in the dating seminar the two things I thought about were the actions of my Ex and Gary-Lee I had even seen him; but he hadn't seen me...and it really annoyed me!! In the evening meeting I had gone and responded to needing to forgive someone and as I'm not very good at talking about things I knew I needed to tell someone...and I saw Gary-Lee :-) and I suprisingly didn't feel ashamed that I was crying and showing I needed to forgive someone...we didn't talk about seeing each other but that didn't matter. And when we saw each other later it was really niice, and we spent a lil time alone :-) This is where I met Chloe and her friends...who are in Gary-Lee's youth group; and they were very cheeky.
  
• WELL I decided to tell Chris Sanderson told Jon; well implied it and Jon put two & two together, telling Rosie later! We spent the afternoon at the Horsham church and kinda with him and I really enjoyed it; he also gave me his jacket and got told off by Jon...because Jon later said him; "oh Suzie's nice..." Which made him start to think :-) Rosie though had told me that Gary knew...which made me annoyed as I wouldn't have expected him to like me back...as until now no-one really has.
  
• This was when the holy spirit made me drunk in the evening meeting; I was so filled with the Holy Spirit I couldn't even speak and was so not with it!! I went the time with the Horsham lot in the Global cafe again which was niice; and spent time alone with Gary...even though I wasn't with it! But I liked it; and I still liked him even more :-). THIS WAS A GOOD DAY.
  
• I didn't not see him Wednesday :-( And really hated this; as he was truely and utterly plugged in my head!
• Thursday...after lunch I went to the bookshop with Rosie & Chris...and started talking to Tim Windor-Brown about Mars Hill as he had spent time there and loved it :-) Then my sister arrived...and then Gary arrived with Jon which I was suprised about :-) but was verry happy about...therefore spent the afternoon with Gary, Jon, Rosie, my sister & Lauren for a bit :-). It was absolutly lovely...and my feelings for him were so strong for him by now...but i had a lot of disappointed thinking; well the next time I'll see him will be mobilise next year! Oh how I was wrong :-D thankfully. Just as the evening meeting was starting Rosie told me that Gary-Lee had said to Jon when he said he was going to Rosie's church to sit with that evening; that he said "when you come back bring Suzie & Rosie, in that order..." :-) so we spent the last evening together...they came to our campsite, and Gary and I walked together behind Rosie & Jon....We had Hot chocolate and they thought it was better than their campsites hot chocolate :-) He asked for my number and I gave it to him...and we said goodbye for the final night at Newday :-).
  
• On the Friday He text me, on the Saturday he text me and facebook chatted, He invited me to go to West Wittering with his youth group :-D obviously I said yes!! So on the 13th August a month of liking him we saw each other....I spent a lot of time with him that day; but sadly we didn't stay as long as we both wanted to because people we tired :-(. It didn't matter because we were seeing each other the next Tuesday anyway (the 18th)
• He kept on texting each other while he was on holiday in Irelandd :-)
  
• And on the 18th August at West Beach on the side where you go crab fishing we spend about 4/5 hours together talking :-) we just talked and it was amazing; there got to a point in the conversation that we both knew each other liked each other :-)...at Sunset at 7:00pm...Gary-Lee McKinney asked me out :-) ...My Sister, My Mum,(who I texted), Rosie, Jon, Serena, Lydia, Nigel, & Cassey were the first to know as we were with them...And it was one of the best days of my life!! One to never forget :-

My identity is in Jesus Christ, he is my Lord and saviour; and I absolutly captivated at newday by his everlasting and steadfast love.

I have learnt so much about my identity this week; and who I am and who I am not! Jesus Christ Made me to be his daughter and I am fearfully & wonderfully made by him. So therefore I am beautiful because he made me in HIS image.

This newday he has revealed some of his plans for me...I'm going to Sydney, Africa & America at one point...but lets seeing wat he has in hold for my future husband...I never told you about 4 weeks I completely got over the guy I liked...I've started to get over him ever since he went out with his girlfriend but this is it- to the point I don't know why I liked himl; he seriously isn't the right guy for me, and we have pratically nothing in common!! BUT I like someone new; and we both seem to be going the same path....traveling and children (as in working with them.) and in livy Gibbs seminar I felt I was going to be a mother at some point!! Which is really exciting news!

See a lot happened at this newday!!...

My friend Jenny Burdett had two vision for me; which have changed me and helped, it involved my backbone, fear of man & God, Vine's and being sent to both here and abroad, now and then. Sam Mason has a prophecy for me about college next year, and Rachael campbell as a prophecy about me going to America!! AHHHH how exciting!! I was liturally drenched in his holy spirit to the point I was acting drunk and I couldn't speak!! AND IT WAS AMAZING, I was so 'chilled out' and at peace :) Which is such a wonderful place to be in.

I forgave a lot of people who have hurt me in my life, and from that evening I told a massive step forward. Rosie Jenkins prayed for me that Our enemy won't attact me as he has a tendancy to do so when I've just been filled with the Holy Spirit...and I told a leap of faith and told Jenny everything that was going on in my life, and bad stuff I've done; and she has also prayed for me :) ; where I made a decision to not listen to lies of our enemy because The giver of life is far greater!!

like Steph Liston said one of the evenings...Unfold yourself before God; which I actually love that phrase and think we should all 'unfold ourselves before God' and tell him everything that is going on! Because he loves to listen to us.

I also meet a guy; and he is wonderful, lovely, amazing, verry attractive, Godly, and hes been called by God to go traveling and to work with children!! Seriously I really like him :). I've only known him since the 13th July! But I do really miss him now, I liturally missed him on the last day I practically walked pasted him and didn't see him (though he was putting down the big top.) but yeah Corrr!! hahaha

There is so much more I have learnt this newday, stuff that I could not be put into words. But I do not think I am the person I was before newday....In a great way!!

many blessings
Signing out Suzie xxx

Newday 2009

I HAVE BEEN TRANSFORMED; I HAVE BEEN CHANGED. I AM ALIVE IN JESUS CHRIST!!

Seriously this has been the best newday ever! I can not wait for this next year and I can not wait for Newday!!!

Mobilise!!!

JESUS LOVES ME!

I've felt like I've deepend my love with Jesus tonight!!

I AM LOVED BY JESUS CHRIS. HE FINDS ME SO BEAUTIFUL AND I SHOULD CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS
AND EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW HIM. BECAUSE HE IS SO AWESOME AND AMAZING!!

He whispers in my ears. You are so beautiful when u worship me; I love you Suzanna Holly Marlow just the way you are!! Never try and be anyone else but you because that is the way I have created you. I delight in who you are and who you are meant to be. "your art matters Suzie"

Do not worry about yesterday; Do no worry about tomorrow. Look forward to the future and learn from the past. No regrets I have forgiven and forgotten all you sins, so should you.

I send you my fragrance. We are his light in this darkened world. So 'Let your light shine. And bright!!'

I'm going on holiday next week to go to mobilise. I get to 1. spend a week with Charlotte Nelson my sister who I have missed. 2. I get to spend it with Jesus who I just utterly love so much!!

His yoke is easy and burden light!! :)

Signing off
Spirit filled Suzanna Holly Marlow xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

What is Love?

He tells us our yoke is easy, and our burdens are light...
He forgives us for turning away from him, for lieing, for cheating, for wanting bad things...

He delights in us!! Oh how he loves us!! how he loves us ALL!! We can have so much joy in him who understands love more than we can imagine.

love is not just a feeling; or an action. Its not from world. It is something more. Something more attractive than lust, or hate or crying, or hurt, or even happiness. Jesus is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfullness, gentleness & self-control.

He put down his life for us? WHY? Why would anyone do that for people who talk bad things of him; who hates him; who want to disprove him? WHY? You wouldn't do it.... I know that for a fact.

The King of Kings wants to know each of you so intensly and you just walk down the street going along your life not giving one care.

“ At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day; others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good, and some are good struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes...all you need is one. ”
— Peyton Sawyer

Six billion souls and Jesus knows each and everyone of them personally. He knows you. Imagine someone seeing everything you do...everything you think. What did you look up on the computer today??? What did you think about when you were cheating on your sprouse? Well Lucky for you the all forgiving saviour of the world can see everything u do and think!

I wake up every day rememebing I don't deserve this... I don't deserve being adopted by a King; not just a King...but the KING of kings. I am a princess to him...I AM BEAUTIFUL no matter what anyone else says. The rest of our lifes are being shaped right now...you might not know but what you said yesterday probably effected someone in someway; or how you acted effected how someone might have felts about themselves.


When I find love in a man; I know its because I've found utter love through the creator. When I am so comfortable in who I am in Jesus Christ; his daughter.

It is my time to shine...

He cries out to each of us; and tells us who he loves us. Hes the one that makes our burdens light and our yokes easy. OH HOW HE LOVES!!!

You ask me what love is? Love when found should be unconditional, everlasting, forever growing. And when found like a precious gem should never be let go of. Love when not abused is between two people and Jesus and so beautiful and captivating; where they shine boldly to the world. True love is not jealous or envious. It is not rude or self-seaking like God is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs (when u are forgiven he forgets.) He does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth....Love never fails.

When I feel alone, or sad, or feeling like love will never come my way. I look on my i-pod and go to the album named 'The notebook' (written by my favourite author of all time :) - read Dear John it blew my socks of, because there was so much love in it.) I find the song named 'Our Love can do miracles.'
I am reminded that love is a miracle every day; and that love is out their for each and everyone of us. That no matter what happens Jesus Christ drenches me with love. One day 'my prince will come.' and forever can begin with him....

I am trying to prove God's exsistance; but to say this blog is to show that Love is always there. You just have to find it ;-). But also enjoy being single...and when u find that 'prince charming' both ur "awesomeness" will shine through eachother. :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2fVH2_mixA&feature=related
This scene reminds me of the hope that there is someone for all us. We are all different but join together with someone else like a two set puzzle piece :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps
How he loves us Kim Walker :) reminds me that I am loved by a creator; much bigger than a boys love don't you think :-)

Leaving school

Yes my final exam was today! And I think I failed it; but hey!

As people have left they seemed to have fallen into a few categories...

1. Now I've gotten a job and left school; I 'm SOOO grown up! So I'm going to become stuck up.
2. I've left school but will not get a job because my parents will pay for me and I'll walk around like I'm 25
3. I never bothered with school; so I don't care.
4. OH HELP I ACTUALLY MIGHT HAVE TO DECIDE FOR MYSELF AND HAVE RESPONSIBILITES
5. And last but not least the "Finally I've left school, bring on college" basically the normal and sensible people.

Category 1 - annoys me because even though you've left with them they think their better than you, and because they've gotten a job, and work with older people thats means their more mature, and more responsible cos they have 'more' responsibilities; when actually you've had responsibilities a lot longer than them

Category 2 - walk around in the short skirts and tops, and walk around like they own all the money in the world, and are late for a very important.....manicure! Its pathetic and lame; YOUR SIXTEEN FOR GOODNESS STOP TRYING AND FAILING TO ACT OLDER!

Category 3 - The category I don't care about, because at least their not trying to justify themselves to anyone because they don't really care themselve! If they want to ruin their lives then so be it...

Category 4 - are the laughable group, because they are really sweet because they don't actually want to grow up, and again they aren't trying to prove anything unlike category 1 & 2. What this category needs to remember is life goes quickly and responsibilities won't always be rescued by the parents or teachers.

Category 5 - The group I very much like; because they act their age. Leaving school doesn't go to their heads. Starting work doesn't go to their head. And their feet are still safely on the ground. Leaving school personally I don't think is a big deal, because you've got 2 more years of education before you go to university, or take a gap year, or realise you have to act like a adult. People who think because they've left school means they are grown up. Will soon get a shock when they arrive at college seeing the people who are actually grown up; compared to them. Leaving school shouldn't go to your head, its a matter of life every year bilions of people leave school, just like billions of people do a lot og things.

So thats my rant for the day!


Signing out
Suzie x

Him

I AM FINALLY LETTING GO OF THE GUY I LIKE AFTER 10 MONTHS

He is not the guy I liked 10 months ago...
He has changed.

I think I am becoming free and for the first time in about 2 years not liking anyone... :)

growing, changing, becoming who I am meant to be.

I AM SUZANNA HOLLY MARLOW AND I AM A CHILD OF GOD WHO LOVES TO DANCE, don't like that tuff!!

Signing out
Suzie xxx

Who Am I?

I am Suzie Marlow. I'm a Christian. I love to dance. I am Single. I am 16 years old.

Simple?
No.
Who Am I? Who really are we? Can we be defined; can we be put in a category of the 'same' type of people.
If you look close you might see people like you, but are they truely like you?

You see...
someone trying to find their place
someone trying to find their self.

But can you answer the question: Who am I? Can someone know you completly; who understands you from the inside out?

well there is one 'person' God the creator.

Just think about it for a moment. Maybe, just maybe the greatest adevnture is to find who you are.
My favourite quote "Find out who you are, and do it on purpose." Be who you wanna be, and dont let anyone mold you into something you truely are not.
Love yourself. Love being who you want to be. Love living your life; and don't try and live someone elses.

Suzie x

love after love

Quotes from shakespeare:

...Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or Bends with the remover to remove.
O, no! It is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken.
It is the star to every wandering bark,
whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

-- William Shakespeare

They do not love that do not show their love.

-- William Shakespeare

A woman would run through fire and water for such a kind heart.

-- William Shakespeare

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.

-- William Shakespeare

Love is a spirit of all compact of fire.

-- William Shakespeare

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.

-- William Shakespeare

My bounty is as deep as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite.

-- William Shakespeare

My heart is ever at your service.

-- William Shakespeare

So they lov'd as love in twain
Had the essence but in one;
Two distinct, divisions none...

-- William Shakespeare

One half of me is yours, the other half yours-
Mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours,
And so all yours!

-- William Shakespeare

Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.

-- William Shakespeare

When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew.

-- William Shakespeare

I'll say she looks as clear as morning roses newly washed with dew.

-- William Shakespeare

Journey's end in lovers meeting.

-- William Shakespeare

If music be the food of love, play on

-- William Shakespeare

No sooner met but they looked;
No sooner looked but they loved;
No sooner loved but they sighed;
No sooner signed but they asked one another the reason;
No sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy;
And in these degrees have they made a pair of stairs to marriage...

-- William Shakespeare, As Your Like It

Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar
but never doubt thy love.

-- William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act II, Scene II

WOW

I can't actually believe it

I got into the Btec dance, but didn't think much of it as I thought there were 50 places and only 60 people applide.
BUT
They only took 25 people out of 60 and I'M ONE OF THEM!

AHHHHHHHHHH

Thankyou Jesus Christ for being my saviour and Lord! :) I AM SKY HIGH

Ouch...

How do I feel about the guy who I like making it offical that he is going out with someone else?

angry
confused
hurt
kinda near to tears (At points)
sad
Lost...
and then I'm kinda fine about it :S

I really hate it; and know how much I need to get over him. It is just so hard, he is so amazing, so kind, so caring. Hes sarcastic like my family - so can be comfortable with him. He will do anything for anyone. He is such a giving person. He is so attractive and his kindness shines right through that to. I love his smell, his gorgeous eyes, and his hair. I am practically captivated by him. =| Which isn't a good thing.

I am so confused how I feel. =(

ARGH. :'( I don't want to feel like this anymore. Everyone is fed up of me even meantioning his name....everyone's just fed up of me. I remembered why I keep everything in. I feel like I should become completetly invisible :( And I don't want to feel like that. I don't want to be people's burdens anymore.

Sorry about another complaining blog. x

Do you know what it feel like to be invisible? Or to be forgotten?

Well heres the girl who should be named the invisible & forgotten girl.

My name is Suzie Marlow and most of the time; you won't see me. I am invisible to the world most of them. I can stand in a crowd and no one will acknowledge me. no-one really gives any stuff about me.

Actually the worst part is. The worst is at church. I might as well not go to be honest; no one really gives any stuff about me there. Most of the time I am doing TKC kidz or PA; and there is where I belong.

Today I liturally at one point stood there all alone and no one cared. I feel like I have practically no friends there- all of them have left, or one of them hardly seems to come and more, and the other is a hard working impactor who is always rushing around.
I stood with a group and I got one person saying 'Hi' and that was it.
If I left today and didn't come back; no one would propally notice, let alone care.
But for the next two Sunday's I've got Kidz work which is fun, and then two weeks of PA. So that'll keep me going for the next month.

People litually will forget me. I have been forgotten about three times for a lift somewhere, twise by the same person and another person. I think there have been more times. And this holiday people have forgotten that we were even meeting up. I am just so forgetable.

I am fed up of being so invisible and being so forgotten all the time. I don't know why I bother going to The Kings Church mid Sussex. I'd rather find a church where I am valued and actually have more than a few friends (like 2 as everyone else has left.)

signing out
the invisible girl x

A beautiful song

You're staring in the mirror and your looking back at me
Somehow you've replaced yourself and don't like what you see
You've been a slave far too long to what other people think
So you bend and you break and you lose along the way
What once was beautiful I want to

Stand out
I wanna stand tall
I wanna be myself even if it means
I won't fit in at all
I wanna be real
I wanna be me
Cause everything I am is who I'm meant to be
I was meant to be free

Why are we so quick to hide originality
We try and try to fit inside a false reality
We're all the same when it comes to putting on the face
and its such a shame
Oh its such a waste
Cause what makes us beautiful
Is what makes us

CHORUS

We are we are beautiful
We are we are beautiful

By Jessie Daniels

We are beautiful.

He flippin likes someone else.
He FRICKING LIKE SOMEONE ELSE.

I HATE MEN!
well not all men.

IT FRICKING HURTS.


*cry* I hate feelings, and I'm destind to be alone. =|

how stupid is that all I do is like him; and I'm crying to the fact that he likes someone else. HOW UTERLY PATHETIC OF ME

I hate this. I hate that the girl she likes, always gets the guy she likes.

I just want t forget everything. All men in my life (apart from God and Dad) Have seemed to have hurt me one way or another....I am so upset right now =(

You know what I hate most, is that everyone knows. Everyone even he knows I like him. I was too open with telling people how I feel =| I used to be good about hiding how I felt about things.

I'm just fed up of the guy I like always never liking me, and always liking someone better. My first ever boyfriend found someone 'better' and practically cheated on me. Second boyfriend was too embarssed to be seen with me, and you don't wanna know what he got up to the summer after we split up...which was about 2 weeks after we split. Making me slightly dirty; but then I look at him now and see a brother.
I do wish we had never gone out. It was too much of a big mistake.

right that it on the ranting! Night!

The greatest Day in History

this has actually been a great day!

I got up at 5:15am because I have to be at church for 6:30 to set up. Embarrasingly I was wearing the guy I like hoody because I was 'borrowing' it; and he turned up to help too! LOL
So I got to see him from 6:30 :D
Then I got to do lighting, which is something different to do :) and got to spend time with a few lovely people while they were teaching me :). I also got to spend time alone in the lighitng box, and dance when there was worship and I got so much joy out of it. Ironically the whole choir saw me dancing up there and kindly told me they had seen me!
The amazing preach about how Jesus SAVED US FROM OUR SINS! We are fully blamefully; but he took our sin, and took responsibility like a real man does.
Then My friend bought me a packed of chocolate covered rich tea biscuits; which I only got to eat half because people bombaded me for some. I also got to give mostly everyone a little easter egg each :) spreading love to all! :D
The packing down was fun, and my friend helped me with my Spanish as I am failing miserably!!
I got a lift home from a very nice friend :) Who scratched his car wheels - clever much! He is actually a really nice guy, and a great friend =|.
When I got home, I got Easter eggs. yum, yum. I listened to Mark Driciol preach again about "marriage and Men." It really speaks to women about how they should be treated with respect. How women shouldn't be violated and are God's DAUGHTERS. The way Mark talks about his daughters, is like how God talks about us. He delights in us, and LOVES US! We deserves so much more from men. It made me realise that the two guys I have had a relationship were so wrong for me, and thats not what God wanted.
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/trial/marriage-and-men
Marriage is for Men, not for boys. Marriage is not for cauvinists and cowards. I am so in love with out living saviour and almightly Lord. There are no words to describe how AWESOME HE IS!
And then, then dinner. I am no going down to Brighton to got o CCK (church of Christ the King) and have more Being filled with the spirit of God!! :)

Bless this Day Father. I am in love :)
I am lovin' this day!! :) xxxxxxxxxxxx

Love

It sucks doesn't it to love someone so much, but know he will never like you back. That when everytime you see him you like him so much more. and when hes away for goodness knows how long you miss him every single day!

You that there captivating eyes make your heart melt, and when hes hugs you all the problems seem to just go away and then when he releases you, it reminds you that you don't belong to him but totally long to. You want him to look into your eyes with his and be able to look right through you and see you for who you are. You aches for him and every single day you willl spend a lot of the time thinking about him becausehe is so amazing and lovely. You just hurt so much because you have so much 'love' for this one person but know how do you tell him.

How do you jump out of an airplane and see if he will catch you and make you fly, You want to fall but you don't want to find yourself hitting the bottom and getting more hurt than you already feel now. I just want to jump, but I want him to catch me not let me keep falling. I would wait for him.

WHY DO I LIKE A GUY WHOS IN GERMANY, AND WHOS NEVER GOING TO LIKE SOMEONE LIKE ME!! Its so depressing :(

Signing off
suz x

Boys

I really can dislike Guys sometimes

I have bad experiance with guys

The first guy I had a relationship with didn't really take up the guyly rolls, and he would just tell me every time he felt down or just felt like giving up. And that didn't help me in anyway because I would become down the whole time! And also this is the best part...My sisters best friend was in love with my boyfriend and would flirt with him and basically wanted him! And we would have arguements the whole time about it. And when we did finally break up as he was being an arsehole for two weeks him and my sisters best friend went out the day after we broke up! He said "It just happened" code words for I actually like her long before we split!

And then we have boyfriend number 2, who I felt was a bit to sexual for my liking, and that he also didn't really romance that much. He tooke up the guy roles more but sometimes I felt uncomfortable about wat he seemed to want to do. And after about a month I kinda felt like he got bored and we went along another 2 more months having a break in that as well! I felt like he was embarassed to be with me, he didn't want to show his friends he was going out with someone a year younger than him, short ginger haired person...I kinda felt not good enough for his friends! So thats boyfriend number 2.

And now we come onto the guy I like...I've liked him just about 8 months! yeh shocking and kinda pathetic, But I really, really like him. I miss him every time hes away which is a lot as hes not around much anymore. He has the most loveliest eyes And caring face, wonderful hugs, niice hair and I haven't even got onto his personality! Apprantly he knows but thats because one of my friends kindly told a lot of people or because of him people found out! I wish I could tell him but it would be the more weirdest conversation I would have ever had in my life, can u imagine it "oh hi, hows u? by the way I like u!" yeh I can't imagine it either. I know I need to get over him, as hes 'just a guy' but he isn't thats the problem...hes amazing! :( I just miss he would like me back thats all... =|

Signing out
Suz